What is that squeaky voice?

How should parents respond when kids start to whine and argue? Often parents loose their cool and use negative responses such as "Stop whining!" or "Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!" followed by a long explanation or lecture. Unfortunately, this response often ends up opening the door for more whining and arguing, and intensifies the frustration for the parent and the child. Sometimes, parents are so exhausted they end up giving in or loosing their cool. What can parents do to break the cycle of whining and arguing?

Love and Logic recommends going "braindead". This technique encourages the parent to set use a short empathetic statement. This repetitive one liner allows parents to enforce the limits they have set without losing their cool. The great thing about this skill is that you only have to remember a simple short phrase that you can say over and over. Examples include: "I know!", "It's hard!", and "Ohhh!" Remember to keep your body language and voice quiet and neutral.

Some other ideas that can help when children whine:

Let your child know when their voice sounds whiny.

1. "What is that squeaky sound?"
2. "I can't understand you when you talk with that voice."
3. I will listen when you can a voice that sounds calm like mine."
   

• Acknowledge your child's need for attention or the feelings they are experiencing:

1. "I can tell you want my attention right now, as soon as I am finished I will be able to help with the puzzle."
   
2. "I can tell you are frustrated!"
   

• Avoid triggers like taking a hungry toddler shopping or expecting a tired preschooler to dine out with friends for a late dinner.

• Role play with your child. Practice using different voices when you are both in a good mood. Explain that whining sounds annoying and makes people stop listening. Practice whiny and calm voices together. Hearing you at your whiniest will probably prompt some laughter from your child and help them understand how it sounds.
  

• Explain later. If your child whines in public, the best time to talk about it isn't when his tone is escalating. Use a consistent response and wait to discuss your expectations until you are both calm. You could tell him, "I didn't like the way you asked for a play date this afternoon. If you really want something, you'll have a better chance with me if you ask in a nice voice."

• Be Consistent. Most importantly, keep saying or doing the same thing and don't give in. It is not fun to argue or whine with someone who continues to calmly repeat the same thing over and over again.
  

Thanks for reading!
Megan

10 Steps to Surviving a Toddler Meltdown

2 years and 4 months can be a tricky age. I know from recent experience with my very own youngest child. He is as sweet as sugar one minute and hysterical that he cannot have a chewable vitamin the next. He was the inspiration for this recent topic. He has given me MANY opportunities lately to practice my Love and Logic skills. I thought I would share a few techniques that have been getting me through the tough days!

1. Stay calm and try to remember one empathetic statement in a soft and non-irritated voice "I know it is hard, you really want another vitamin don't you?"
2. Use feeling words to try to identify how they are feeling. "You are feeling frustrated."
3. Use body language that reflects that you can handle the situation. Try to avoid eye rolling, throwing your hands up in frustration, raising your voice.
   
4. Redirect your child to a self-calming item or activity.
   
5. Offer your child some choices that might help them feel better such as, reading a favorite book, snuggling with a stuffed animal, listening to a favorite song, or getting a hug from you.
6. If your child does not respond to self-calming choices, you may need to sing the "Uh-Oh" song and let them make that choice on their own in their recovery time.
   
7. You might say, "I can tell you need some time on your own to feel better. I will come see if you are feeling better soon." Offer the choice of door open or shut, light on or off, and comfort object and calmly leave the scene for a few minutes.
   
8. Enjoy a few moments to yourself to take a few deep breathes and maybe sneak a bit of chocolate-I admit, it really does help my stress level!
9. When your child is calm, enter the room and give them a hug. Tell them you are glad they are feeling better. Try not to lecture on the previous misbehavior.
   
10. Enjoy some quality time together before the next meltdown!

Thanks for reading!