What is that squeaky voice?

How should parents respond when kids start to whine and argue? Often parents loose their cool and use negative responses such as "Stop whining!" or "Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!" followed by a long explanation or lecture. Unfortunately, this response often ends up opening the door for more whining and arguing, and intensifies the frustration for the parent and the child. Sometimes, parents are so exhausted they end up giving in or loosing their cool. What can parents do to break the cycle of whining and arguing?

Love and Logic recommends going "braindead". This technique encourages the parent to set use a short empathetic statement. This repetitive one liner allows parents to enforce the limits they have set without losing their cool. The great thing about this skill is that you only have to remember a simple short phrase that you can say over and over. Examples include: "I know!", "It's hard!", and "Ohhh!" Remember to keep your body language and voice quiet and neutral.

Some other ideas that can help when children whine:

Let your child know when their voice sounds whiny.

1. "What is that squeaky sound?"
2. "I can't understand you when you talk with that voice."
3. I will listen when you can a voice that sounds calm like mine."
   

• Acknowledge your child's need for attention or the feelings they are experiencing:

1. "I can tell you want my attention right now, as soon as I am finished I will be able to help with the puzzle."
   
2. "I can tell you are frustrated!"
   

• Avoid triggers like taking a hungry toddler shopping or expecting a tired preschooler to dine out with friends for a late dinner.

• Role play with your child. Practice using different voices when you are both in a good mood. Explain that whining sounds annoying and makes people stop listening. Practice whiny and calm voices together. Hearing you at your whiniest will probably prompt some laughter from your child and help them understand how it sounds.
  

• Explain later. If your child whines in public, the best time to talk about it isn't when his tone is escalating. Use a consistent response and wait to discuss your expectations until you are both calm. You could tell him, "I didn't like the way you asked for a play date this afternoon. If you really want something, you'll have a better chance with me if you ask in a nice voice."

• Be Consistent. Most importantly, keep saying or doing the same thing and don't give in. It is not fun to argue or whine with someone who continues to calmly repeat the same thing over and over again.
  

Thanks for reading!
Megan